So, I have become a blogger, I think. I am pretty sure that I have no idea what I am doing nor what the outcome of this will be. So, bear with me while I stumble on this new path. I have recently noticed that I need to change. I know that is what everyone says at the beginning of the new year. Resolutions are made then they usually are broken half way through February. And by the way I am not a pessimist it is just a proven fact.
So, this is why I chose not to make any new goals except one: to turn my leaf over.
Everyone has one so why not just flip it over right? It can't be that bloody hard it's a freaking leaf! Well, I have discovered that it is harder than expected.
I stumbled upon this new self discovery when I was having a mental breakdown and my hubby stayed up until the wee hours of the night talking with me. Yes, I do have breakdowns more often than not. Who knew the girl that grew up never shedding a tear or having anyone and I mean anyone really know what was going on in my own personal hell has breakdowns at least weekly. My husband told me that he didn't want to hug me anymore. Due to the fact that I bawl 99.9% of the time when he hugs me. Even though I have to say it's not 99.9% of the time, right? I still get my hugs.
Anyways, back to the topic on hand. I have decided that instead of being this alien in my own body. I might just turn the leaf and see what there is. I would like to think that when it's completely turned I will discover the girl that I once knew and admired. During the process I know that I will not like the things I discover about myself nor do I think it will be an easy process. I it might be the hardest thing I do emotionally right now. I am going to admit something to you right now, are you ready? I am full of Hate and Anger. If you knew me you would know that this is NOT who I am. SO, now you know why I need to turn my leaf for if I don't I am afraid that I will wither and die and never truly be me again.
