Today is not much different than most days in my home. I have an extra 4-6 kids hanging out with us today. Even with the loudness, the laughter and the chaos I cannot shake the the stillness I feel in my heart. Recently,I have had many experiences in being too busy, overwhelmed with sadness, self-doubt and most of all happiness. When I take a step back and breathe really deep it is in the stillness of my soul that I feel that I am loved. Being loved is the one thing every human being needs, seeks and thrives on. We all know the studies that they have done with newborns or children in foster or orphanages. The ones that are showed love or acceptance thrive and those that aren't showed those things seem to disappear into the woodworks. Being lovable or being loved in my eyes are two important things to have in life. Yes, I can love a stranger and yes, I can love the person that just cut me off and almost made me wreck. Sure, I can love you because guess what I don't know you and it is too much work for me to not love you. Now, saying this does not make me a saint it just is in my nature to be goofy, chaotic, quick to forgive and to love. I have many other faults that make up for this one good thing that I have called LOVE.
Being loved is one thing that take some their whole life to figure out. Where for others it just comes natural like walking or talking. I can look at someone who struggles to be nice and I just wonder how the heck they survive and yes, I even think don't you know it is so much easier to be kind than it is to be mean. I don't think that it is as black and white for everyone. I don't know their deep thoughts or sometimes their hearts. If you think about it we all have quirks that are good or bad. I know that I drive my husband batty with the way I reload the dishwasher because I am OCD about it. I know that my lack of time or lack boundaries make people want to punch me in the face or shake some sense into me. These things I know but guess what??? In the end all that matters is that everyday I can look into my own heart and say I love you Elena. I know that I can drive a sane man or woman to the edge of madness or drinking. I also, know that I can also drive those people to the brink of peeing their pants in laughter and happiness. Come on and admit we all know that everyone needs that one person in their life that is a goofball. The one that has no conditions on their love and friendship for you and that loves you at your most un-loveable moments.
So, why not be that person for yourself. It is so much easier to say than to do this. I know and trust me when I say that this is something that I have struggled with most my life. When we look at ourselves and we judge ourselves on a scale that we would never use on someone else it makes you feel that you are not loved nor can you ever be loved. When we look at those deep dark wounds, scars, secrets and self-doubt all do is we create the opposite of love, we have now have created self-loathing. Why, oh why do we allow ourselves to do this?
Not everyone in this world can feel their worth nor do they see their worth. I often feel like for some that they will never see or feel loved even, if they are surrounded by love in every form. Some think they do not deserve or that they don't need it in their life to go on. I call bull honky on that..Even if it is just one person it should be you that loves yourself so much that no matter what happens in life that you are able to shake the horrible feelings of despair. Now, we all know that in the real everyday life that their are people who will never be able to do this. This does not mean they fail it just means that we as their family and friends have to do more or even better to show them kindness, acceptance, forgiveness and love. But that does not mean that we solely hold their well being in our hands it just means we help pick up the pieces and slowly glue them back together. And when it happens again we are there. Now, before you tune me out, think of the all the actions,words,love and forgiveness you are willing to give those around you. To those that you see their worth beaming like a bright neon sign in the middle of the night. Now, look into the mirror and know you are loved, you are loveable and that you are worth it. No, matter what you think is so unforgivable, ugly or broken in yourself,know that you are loved. Maybe it won't be today or tomorrow maybe it will take you thirty plus years to figure it out. Just know if we can't love yourself that there is a world out there waiting to love you. I write this with a heavy heart for no matter how hard we sometimes try to love someone we can't always make them accept our love or feel loved. Sometimes it so much bigger than us and so much more complex than what are hearts can handle that we just have to rely on a higher power...
As always rainbows and unicorns my friends and please,know that you are loved(even if I just met you or I haven't seen you in years)
By this Brown Girl
